Is Calling A Stranger By An Endearment Offensive? Obama Apologises Just In Case
May 15th 2008 07:22
Endearments are used in a wide variety of contexts: in intimate relationships, workplace rituals, even to put someone down. Reporter Peggy Agar complained when Senator Barack Obama deferred his reply to one of her questions by saying "Hold on, sweetie," but it is not known why she found the phrase offensive. Did she think that he was being sexist, or acting overly acquanited with her? Was he being inappropriately sexually suggestive?
Barack apologised for referring to Agar as 'sweetie' some time after the interview, stating that it was a bad habit of his to call people endearments in many different situations. He offered her the opportunity to interview him again when he was next in the area.
This story was reported on CNN, and the overwhelming response was that it was not newsworthy... very few people considered the endearment offensive in the light of the way the story was reported (no claims of sexism or inappropriate advances were made from Agar). People who also called people that weren't necessarily near and dear to them endearments stood up for the senator, with one respondent claiming that Obama could call her 'sweetie' any day. I was surprised to see this billed as one of the top international stories of the day, the No. 2 headline on the right hand column. You can read the story here.
What do you think? Is it risky to call someone not close to you by an endearment, not knowing how they might react? Or does it promote goodwill and bring people together?
I think that it's best to avoid endearments until you can find out how a person is likely to react to them. A simple question like 'Do you mind if I call you dearie/honey/love?' may avoid any misunderstandings or resentment. Of course, motives are different for each individual, and some people may indeed be sexist or sexually inappropriate in their delivery, in which case the endearment needs to be taken up with them, or by the law. Discrimination against women in particular is never justified and should be done something about immediately.
Do you have a story about using endearments that you'd like to share?
Barack apologised for referring to Agar as 'sweetie' some time after the interview, stating that it was a bad habit of his to call people endearments in many different situations. He offered her the opportunity to interview him again when he was next in the area.
This story was reported on CNN, and the overwhelming response was that it was not newsworthy... very few people considered the endearment offensive in the light of the way the story was reported (no claims of sexism or inappropriate advances were made from Agar). People who also called people that weren't necessarily near and dear to them endearments stood up for the senator, with one respondent claiming that Obama could call her 'sweetie' any day. I was surprised to see this billed as one of the top international stories of the day, the No. 2 headline on the right hand column. You can read the story here.
What do you think? Is it risky to call someone not close to you by an endearment, not knowing how they might react? Or does it promote goodwill and bring people together?
I think that it's best to avoid endearments until you can find out how a person is likely to react to them. A simple question like 'Do you mind if I call you dearie/honey/love?' may avoid any misunderstandings or resentment. Of course, motives are different for each individual, and some people may indeed be sexist or sexually inappropriate in their delivery, in which case the endearment needs to be taken up with them, or by the law. Discrimination against women in particular is never justified and should be done something about immediately.
Do you have a story about using endearments that you'd like to share?
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Comment by RubySoho
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I am beginning to think the lefties in America are almost as crazy as the conservatives. They are handing the election to McCain and they are too caught up in worshipping their hero and heroine to see it. I can't believe they are going to blow it again.
And whilst I think Obama's comment to the reporter was a little condescending, as a woman I don't find it overtly sexist. Much ado about nothing. McCain must be loving it. Another day another chance for the Democrats to ruin their own campaign.
I'm actually posting on this tomorrow, but with a slightly different tack.
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by postmoderncritic
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I think it's impossible to tell whether his remark was sexist or not from the news coverage alone, so I have personally deferred my judgement. It does sound like it's most likely to be somewhat condescending, but for that I can forgive him.
I really hope Barack wins the Presidency, and if I were in America I'd be campaigning my wits out. (I know a Canadian who actually goes down to the US sometimes to campaign for BO, which I find very admirable. Now if only I had the money for airfare to do that...)
Can you give me the link to this left wing blog? I'll post up a comment on it...
Also, remember that it's just one blog of many, and people are bound to have different reactions to the news item... There were over 400 comments on the CNN story, and most of them said something to the effect of "who cares?"
I look forward to your post...
Hey Cibby,
It would be a shame if what seems to me a trivial matter was blown out of proportion.
Comment by RubySoho
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Really Long Link
What worries me about it is that with the race so close between Obama and Clinton, there may be many bitter supporters who will consider the race lost if their preferred candidate doesn't get the nomination. I can understand that there are going to be many disappointed people, but I left a comment on that blog asking them to remember the damage the Republicans have done to the world in the past eight years and one of them replied "the rest of the world can go to hell." This was from a so-called leftie. I was pretty stunned.
I love your line Cibb- "the crazy rises to the top". I really wish the Democrats would wrap this nomination up, the longer it goes on, the more it is splitting the party.
Comment by Ahmed
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It's not really close, Obama is going to win unless Clinton plays dirty.
Comment by RubySoho
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by postmoderncritic
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I still have hope that the Democrats will attract the support they need to win the election, despite all this in-fighting. I think the nation is looking for a change after eight years of that thing that's still in the White House.
I left a message on the blog, and offered my coverage of the event as an alternative view, and a few have come over, so at least some are considering multiple sides of the argument.
Ahmed,
I do not accept the comments of homophobic people on my blogs, sorry. You can come back when you learn to love yourself and the people around you.
Morgan,
I'm not a big fan of casual endearments myself - when I call someone a 'sweetie' I like it to come from a place of deep emotion. But I respects others' rights to address people in whichever way they see fit, as long as no one gets offended in the process.
Comment by RubySoho
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I read some of their comments to you on that blog. They really annoyed me. I don't think I can read that blog anymore, which is a shame because I quite liked it. But they are just being silly. Really, really silly.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Ahmed has always seemed fairly liberal minded to me, quite rational in discussions about free-speech, censorship and civil rights etc
Comment by RubySoho
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by RubySoho
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"I didn't mean to be a sexist when I called that cute little reporter chick sweetie. Suffering suffragettes, give a n***a a break!"
sorry for the crassness epiphanie....just playing with words
Comment by postmoderncritic
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Ahmed's homophobia first came to my attention here. Then there's his 'Is Homosexuality Natural?' post. I think the post title alone says it all.
Ooh, I didn't realise that they had answered back on that blog... will go check it out now. Thanks!
Hey Morgan,
Okay, I didn't find your quip unamusing, but one of the things I like about Barack is that he doesn't seem to fit the 'typical African American stereotype', if there is one. The most 'street' thing I have heard him say is "Do you smell what Obama is cooking?" in relation to a virtual wrestling match with Hillary. (I'm not even sure if that's street - can anyone help me out?).
Comment by postmoderncritic
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Comment by postmoderncritic
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I just read their responses to my comment, and I'm still not convinced that his remark was sexist...
Comment by Cibbuano
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Watching old movies gives me false nostalgia for Bogart calling women 'sweetheart', though...